in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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