i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
