That reminds me...we need to get swords
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
