Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
