he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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