i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
