Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
