apparently the secret to your success is patron
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
