I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
