Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize