Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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