im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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