I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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