So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
