You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
