first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
