I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
