i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
