i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
