you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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