listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
