That's when you crack a 10am beer
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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