A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
