Where is the hickey?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
