Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
