Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
