If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My life is pants optional.
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