Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
