So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
The air taste purple.
Randomize
