he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
