I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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