put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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