does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
