somebody snuck up and got me drunk
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
