All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
