Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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