yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
