new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
