Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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