Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
