What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
