I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
