So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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