This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
