So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
