I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Two words: blizzard sex
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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