yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
