Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
