We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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