did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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