I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
