brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
