she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize
