$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Randomize
