UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
