She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
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