I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
