you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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