Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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