Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
