Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
