did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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