Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
