I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
