I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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