You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
