Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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