Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
