I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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