You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize